


Working out How to Work Out

by Anorlost



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Gyms, Inaccurate Christianity, M/M, Modern AU, Techie has a potty mouth, snoke is a tyrant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-14 14:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20602652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: Life is complicated.  It gets even more complicated when your CEO is a dick, your half-brother is a prank-happy CIA agent, and a weird blond guy won't stop looking at you intensely.Techie isn't sure what he did to deserve this, and he's not certain whether he should mind or not by the end of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Niibeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niibeth/gifts).

> I've come out of my long silence for KBB2019! Thank you very much to the wonderful mods who organized another awesome event, and to Niibeth for sticking with me. You can follow them at niibeth.tumblr.com
> 
> Niibeth's original prompt: CEO Snoke tyrannically imposes the healthy way of life on the whole First Order corporation, introducing vegan lunches, standing desks, bicycle parking, cross-fit teambuilding and compulsive membership in a luxury corporate gym. Techie has to train – his position depends on it. He takes the weirdest hours because he can’t stand people watching him. But Matt is almost always there for some reason.

Techie felt like he was the only person who didn’t actually hate their CEO’s new healthy living mandates. 

For whatever reason CEO Snoke of First Order Industry had not just suggested, but demanded that employees make changes. Gone were the chocolate bars, chips and soda from the vending machines. Instead there were all colours of vitamin water, trail mix pouches and granola bars. The boxes of doughnuts or cookies that managers occasionally brought out for staff after a job well done was replaced with fruit salads and assortments of vegan cheese and crackers. 

To be honest, Techie had not minded in the slightest. He often found himself without the energy or willpower to go to the grocery store, despite knowing that a diet consisting of nothing but takeout and doritos was eventually going to catch up with his metabolism. But if healthy snacks were provided fresh and within reach then he would eat them. He’d actually considered going vegetarian at one point, but had admittedly been too lazy to meal-plan… or do any planning, really. Besides, the fruit cups were tasty and Techie was discovering that he really liked the fruit and vegan yogurt parfaits that had replaced ice cream parties. On top of that he was already feeling more energized now that the preservative-filled pre-frozen food in the cafeteria was replaced by fresh options. 

If anything the most annoying part of the transition was hearing his coworkers bitch about it. 

“They’re saying this is to motivate us, but how is it motivating to take everything away at once?” 

“They only had kale left when I got to the caf and it was so gross!” 

“It’s unfair to impose this lifestyle on all of us without at least asking.” 

‘Honestly,’ Techie thought to himself, rolling his eyes, ‘If they hate it so much they could just bring their own snacks and lunches instead.’ 

It was times like these he was glad he was just a ‘computer-monkey’ in the basement of the building. His whole job consisted of waiting for calls and providing in-house tech support. Most of the calls were easy enough to handle. He’d twist paperclips into little animals to add to the growing zoo on his desk while he asked for the hundredth time if callers had tried turning their computers off and on again before calling him. Most of the time the answer was no and the problem was solved with a quick reboot. 

Occasionally though he would be forced to leave his desk and head to one of the many floors upstairs to fix a much more serious problem. That was when he would have to pass a communal kitchenette or water cooler and hear all about how tyrannical the new healthy options Snoke had imposed were. Techie would just roll his eyes and wonder if his coworkers were all secretly children since their morale seemed linked completely to whether or not they could have pizza and ice cream if they did a good job. Especially since Snoke couldn’t exactly ban them from bringing their own food to work or ban them from having junk food after they went home. 

In was on one of those trips that Techie noticed some construction going on across the street. The company had bought the building ages ago and it seemed that they were finally fixing it up. At least despite all the changes that meant that the company was growing enough to need more office space, which in turn meant that this job was definitely secure for the long term. Despite an eccentric CEO there were a lot of good things about his position, decent pay, good insurance, and now it was improving his health! 

He’d just finished with his job, a crashed computer that had ‘accidentally’ gone to a porn site, and he was about to head downstairs. Stopping at the window and blinking at the bright daylight outside, Techie wondered what the new place would be like. Would he be moving there? Would he be expected to work in both buildings? Most of the work was going on in the lower levels of the building. Techie couldn’t see any workers on the upper floors. It was probably just going to be new offices, but the change was a good one. So long as it didn’t turn into a pain in his ass, Techie didn’t mind it one bit. 

He stopped again on the ground floor to watch the men work. It seemed like a pretty big renovation, with power tools whirring loudly enough to be heard from across the street. He couldn’t get a good look at the new place, but it was going to be different, that was certain. 

Maybe it would be a spa, Techie couldn’t help thinking to himself. With all the healthy changes CEO Snoke had made, there might have been a spa or meditation room somewhere on the premises. Techie certainly wouldn’t mind having to take mandatory wellness breaks. 

____

It wasn’t a spa. Techie took back every mean thing he had ever thought about his co-worker’s complaints. Snoke was an evil, evil tyrant and he needed to be stopped. 

Perhaps it was fate that one of the changes was bound to rub him the wrong way. It may have been impossible to enjoy all the changes, but Techie hadn’t thought it would be anything so horrifyingly cruel as a mandatory gym membership. 

Renovations on the building, a state of the art company gym, had continued. At first Techie had naively thought nothing of it. He’d never been active, and didn’t plan on going. He had figured it would turn into a sort of club where the higher ups could blow off some steam. He’d never liked people or networking, so he thought he could just avoid it. 

Then he got the e-mail about certain departments having mandatory sessions, ‘given the nature of their positions.’ Anyone who worked long hours at a desk didn’t necessarily have to go, provided that they performed some stretches and hand exercises throughout the day to prevent injuries in their hands and back. Anyone who’s job required lifting or constant movement was required to put in at least one hour a week in the gym, preferably in two half hour sessions. That included anyone in the mail room, custodians, and unfortunately… IT workers. 

It was justified by the fact that IT would often have to walk between departments and might have to carry a computer bag to help with repairs. Techie couldn’t recall the last time a trip to help with a call had left him injured or winded, but Snoke didn’t seem to care. They would meet with a trainer twice a week at an appointed time. 

If there was any silver lining to the horrible situation, they would be compensated for the time spent in the gym. An extra hour’s pay every week wouldn’t hurt, but it wasn’t much, and there was nothing that Techie really wanted money for so badly that he would torture himself in a gym. 

Immediately he recalled high school. Being a lanky, awkward looking teen with outlandish red hair had been bad enough without having zero hand-eye coordination, an inability to run any distance without wheezing and coughing, and a face that seemed to be a magnet for dodge balls. The worst part had been the showers though. They had smelled awful, with body odour and stupidly strong deodorants scenting the air, and of course being naked in front of judgmental, loud-mouth teenagers had been horrible. 

There hadn’t really been an option not to shower. The teacher would monitor the locker rooms and would dock marks if they didn’t shower. Techie would do his best to hide behind a towel, but it wasn’t always possible. He’d do his best to ignore everyone around him and focus on getting in, out and dressed as quickly as possible. He might not have been able to sprint to save his own life, but Techie was certain that he’d set a school record for the fastest time showering and changing. 

He still wasn’t very proud or happy with his body. Techie had given up ideas that someday when puberty ended he would be blessed with big muscles and other hallmarks of masculinity. If he hadn’t bulked up now that he was in his late twenties then he probably never would. If the rest of his brothers were any indication, he would be just as tall and skinny as they were for the rest of his life. 

Still, Armitage was just as thin and had been as unathletic as Techie, but he’d willed himself through basic training to be an army engineer. Monty had done the same with the CIA. Thomas didn’t have much muscle and still managed to stock shelves in his toy store and till his own garden without help. Stensland was… admittedly sort of a human disaster who constantly got high and liked to binge-watch old soap operas, though he’d gotten in a fight outside a bar once and lived to tell the tale, so maybe there was a ‘tough’ gene in their family. 

He could have asked his brothers for suggestions, but if he did, he risked being ‘Montey-ed.’ None of them could prove that Monty was the one behind the mysterious incidents that befell their family, but whenever anyone had attempted to prove it was Monty, they got Monty-ed. It all fell within Monty’s sense of humour too. The time Army’s name had been changed to ‘Florence’ in the U.K army database for months. The sprinkler system in Harrods going off on Thomas’ birthday every year. A ring of Avon Ladies hounding Stensland to collect on a massive order of avocado face masks. Techie didn’t want to give Monty any ideas on how to make his miserable life even more miserable. 

That didn’t mean he wanted to work out though! All Techie really wanted out of life was to go to work, fix computer problems, then go home and veg on the couch with his phone and some mind-numbing mobile games. It wasn’t the greatest routine ever, but it was his, it was well-established and he liked it. Now he had to meet some stranger twice a week, work his ass off and then shower with his co-workers. It was a recipe for a terrible time and Techie wondered if Snoke knew it. 

Maybe he could get an exemption, say he had a bad back or something like that. As soon as Techie thought of it he sent a reply to the administrator explaining that due to medical reasons he didn’t think he could participate in the exercise program. Almost immediately he got a reply requesting a doctor’s note. 

“Fuck…” Techie grumbled. He could forge one, but then he’d be getting into criminal territory. If he didn’t have a brother in the CIA he might have considered it. Chances were that Monty had someone watching all his siblings, and was probably sitting in his cubical while laughing his ass off at Techie’s misfortune. 

After the reply came the tentative schedule for exercise times. If they didn’t like their allotted time they could change it. Techie groaned to himself, “Too bad I can’t choose ‘never.’”

In terms of scheduling conflicts Techie didn’t have any. He didn’t have any groups meet or activities on his calendar. He kept to himself, only occasionally texting with his brothers or spending the night on an interesting or funny subreddit. Besides, he didn’t recognize anyone in his exercise group. If Techi could help it he didn’t want to get sweaty or shower in front of someone he knew; a stranger would be preferable. They would all be in the same situation, so hopefully everyone would want a lot of privacy and not turn the whole thing into some weird company bonding experience. Maybe other countries and cultures did the whole comunal-naked-thing, but Techie didn’t, and that was the end of that. 

Besides, Techie did have a leg-up on everyone else who had been volun-told to get a gym membership. IT had a database of people working in the office. It wasn’t much, just names, a picture that looked like a passport or driver’s license, and computer specs. There wasn’t much a person could tell about another person by the type of computer they chose, but Techie hoped that maybe there was someone who was into computers who he might be able to commiserate with a little bit during workouts. 

So far, just judging by names, it seemed that the groups wouldn’t be co-ed. His own group consisted of two custodians named Rick and Matt, and someone from the mail-room named Trenton. His suspicions were confirmed upon seeing their pictures. 

Techie wasn’t exactly sure of what to make of things. He hadn’t wanted to make any girls feel like some creepy tech guy was watching them, but he was gay so he’d probably be the last person to cat-call or use a gross pick-up on them. Of course, both sexes were equally capable of bullying him based on looks, but girls wouldn’t use the same changing rooms as him. Maybe he  _ would _ have liked to be in a co-ed group afterall. 

Nobody’s computers seemed to be out of the ordinary, if they used computers at all. At least everyone looked approachable enough. The official photos showed three men who looked presentable and very much like they weren’t secretly serial killers. 

And maybe, just maybe, he was blowing the whole thing out of proportion. They were all grown-ups, their teenage years far behind them. Hopefully they had all matured into semi-responsible adults who didn’t need to make themselves feel better by picking on someone who looked weaker. Maybe they would all have a nice trainer who would understand that they were beginners and everyone would at least be cordial with each other. They didn’t have to be best friends but Techie hoped they would all be decent to each other. 

Or at least they would be more decent then Snoke was being… the tyrannical bastard. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure Snoke is breaking some laws here. Jean is based on some people I knew in high school who were well-intention-ed, but way too intense at times.

Everyone looked about the same as their IDs at least. Everyone was clean and wearing something comfy to workout in. Trenton was another redhead, or he might have been once; he was either bald or shaved with a reddish beard. Rick was older with longer grey hair, though it didn’t even approach Techie’s length. He looked sort of worn out and had probably been with the company for a while. Matt was taller than Techie, which was saying something, and kept adjusting his large glasses. He was also large and looked like he must have worked out before. Maybe he’d be able to help out the group a little. 

“Does anyone know what we’re actually doing?” asked Rick. 

“Crossfit,” replied Trenton before Techie could speak. “It was in the email.” 

“Never heard of it,” said Rick. 

“It’s a combination of a lot of different exercises. This band I like called the Knights of Ren, well, the lead guitarist Kylo Ren swears by…” began Matt. He trailed off when he saw Rick roll his eyes slightly. Apparently there was a story there that Techie knew nothing about. Matt finished, slightly half-hearted, “...crossfit.” 

“At least one of us knows,” Techie chimed in, giving a shrug. 

Matt seemed to take this as an invitation for conversation. He rounded on Techie and continued, “Kylo Ren has this routine, he talked about it in interviews and I tried it out. It takes some building up to. He’s got a lot of core and upper-body strength.” 

“U-um...i-is that so?” replied Techie, who hadn’t been expecting the sudden attention or lesson on this Kylo person who he had never heard of before. 

“Kylo Ren has an eight-pack. He’s shredded,” said Matt intensely. 

“That’s, uh… nice,” said Techie, trying to seem neutral. 

“I have a mix tape of their best songs. I’ll lend it to you,” said Matt. 

It sounded like more of a statement than an offer. Techie nodded and smiled awkwardly, “‘kay.” 

“You’ll really like it. They’re the best band out there right now,” said Matt. 

“Uh-huh,” replied Techie, trying to end the conversation without saying he wasn’t interested. He didn’t even know what genre this band played. 

“And Kylo Ren is really-” Matt began. 

“Matt, leave him alone, he was just being polite,” said Rick. 

It was a pretty mean and rude thing to say, but it seemed like this was something Rick did often. Matt glared at Rick intensely before stalking off to a corner. He looked like he either wanted to check out the equipment, sulk, or both. 

“I work with Matt, he’s a good guy, he just microfixates on that Kylo person. He’s also not good at reading people so he’s awkward as hell,” explained Rick. He shrugged, “Pretty sure he already hates me, so I tell him where boundaries are. That way I’m the only one he stays mad at. He’s harmless though.” 

It still seemed like a mean thing to say, even if it was true. Matt kicked a medicine ball and Techie’s eyes widened as it actually went a good distance. He remembered them from school and that they weighed a ton! Rick amended irately, “Well, mostly harmless.” 

“Didn’t have to be rude about it…” Techie mumbled, though he was confident that nobody heard him. He knew he ought to stand up when something felt wrong, but all he could ever manage was a light protest before fading into the background. 

“Alright you four, are you ready to sweat?” 

‘No,’ Techie thought to himself as he watched their trainer bound towards them. He’d had no idea what to expect, but Techie supposed the trainer looked the part. He was fit, dressed in plain black shorts and a t-shirt. His smile was slightly intense though, there seemed to be something off about it, like painted smiles on circus clowns. 

“Ha, how about we start by introducing ourselves. I’m Jean and I’ve been assigned to get you guys into shape,” said the trainer. 

“Rick,” said the shorter custodian, raising his hand in a lazy wave. 

“Trenton,” added the mail room guy. 

Techie looked over to Matt, hoping he would go third. Since the blond man was still grumbling to himself and kicking the medicine ball, Techie took a deep breath and continued, “Wi- Bill… everyone calls me Techie.” 

“And how about you big guy,” asked Jean. 

Matt looked up sourly and seethed, “My name is Matt… I’m a heating and cooling technician.” 

“Alright, looks like everyone’s here. Good to meet all of you. Now, let’s get this thing started right,” said Jean. 

As the trainer dropped to one knee he reached out and grabbed Techie and Rick’s hands. Techie was too surprised to yelp or move and Rick seemed to be in the same boat. Jean gave his hand a squeeze as he proclaimed, “Dear God, bless us as we push ourselves to the limit!” 

Techie looked about in alarm. Was anyone seeing this? Was anybody else’s trainer like this? Was the ‘cross’ in crossfit supposed to be a religious thing? Was it legal for Snoke to make them participate in this if it was religious? Techie was pretty sure that it wasn’t and he could excuse himself on the grounds that he didn’t want to be part of a prayer group. Ironically Jesus might have just given him a way out of this hell-hole! 

As Techie dreamed of freedom, Jean continued, “Lord, raise us up when we fail to climb to our potential, give us strength to lift our heaviest burdens and heal us when our bodies break new ground.” 

“Heal us?” Techie repeated nervously. “What’s being healed, exactly?” 

“Amen,” said Jean. He hugged Rick, “Thanks for praying with me, brother.” 

Matt dragged his feet as he came closer. He grumbled at Rick, “Not so weird now, am I?” 

Rick rolled his eyes. 

“Now, one hundred jumping jacks! We’re going to set our hearts on fire for the Lord!” commanded Jean. 

Everyone stared at him. One hundred? Techie could barely manage twenty without wheezing. Weren’t they supposed to stretch first? Maybe start off with some nice, easy yoga and breathing exercises? 

“U-um...I’m kind of agnostic, so I think I’m in the wrong group,” said Techie. 

When Jean looked at him with concern, Techie knew he should have kept his mouth shut. He wished Jean had been mad or offended, but instead he looked at Techie like he’d just been told Techie had terminal cancer. 

“No, you’re in the right group. You may not believe in him, Bill, but he believes in you,” said Jean intensely, clasping Techie’s hands. 

“You can call me Techie…” Techie insisted nervously. 

“Today you’re going to feel his presence, I’m sure of it,” said Jean. 

“I-I’m going to do those jumping-jacks so… let go please,” said Techie quietly, though he wanted to say something much stronger and laden with more four-letter words that couldn’t be repeated on television. If he’d been big like Matt or unabashed about being an asshole like Rick then he might have been able to get the words out. Instead he gripped the sides of his baggy yellow shirt and moved to a secluded area of the floor, hoping that nobody would be watching him too closely. 

It might have been paranoia, but Techie couldn’t help thinking that this was something that Monty would dream up. Doing his least favorite thing in front of strangers with a deranged personal trainer standing by. Though he and his brothers always claimed Monty was behind everything odd in their lives, except maybe Thomas’ rabbit problem. Techie also wondered what Jesus was supposed to feel like, but he was certainly feeling a lot of burning as he already struggled to breathe. 

How did normal, sane, people do this? Hell, why did they do this!? This wasn’t fun. This was the opposite of fun. He was covered in sweat, his legs hurt, his co-workers were probably all judging him and their Jesus-freak instructor seemed to have fixated on him. “Are you feeling the Lord, Bill?” 

Techie didn’t have the air in his lungs or the patience to correct him. 

“Finished,” said Matt in a dull tone. 

“Wow, you’ve probably done this before. Okay, Matt, we’re gonna do some floor exercises now,” said Jean. 

The one hundred jumping-jacks weren’t even the full workout!? Techie wanted to scream and swear in frustration, but panting out what were likely his death throws made that impossible. 

“We’re gonna do sit-ups!” announced Jean before he reverently added, “For the Lord.” 

Why Jesus would possibly want with sit-ups, Techie had no idea, but Jean seemed to think they would make him happy. 

Trenton finished next, looking at Matt incredulously with a competitive gleam in his eyes. He went right into the next exercise and it got Techie worried. Shouldn’t they take a break between exercises? They were at least going to get water soon, right? Techie felt like his mouth was a desert and his lungs felt like they’d been teleported to the surface of the sun. How many had he done? Was Jean even counting? Maybe he could get away with skipping a few if he finished a little after Rick. 

Rick was looking a bit rough to. He was older, at least older than the rest of them, and didn’t seem like he was used to the workouts at all. Still, he caught Techie by surprise when he suddenly stopped, waved to Jean, and dragged himself to the area of the floor where the others were doing sit-ups and… 

Seeing Matt do sit-ups faster than should have been humanly possible, Techie couldn’t help but stare. He’d never seen any of his brothers move like that before. Armitage, competitive as he was, was the fastest out of all of them and he didn’t even come close to Matt. It was like his abs had been replaced by a set of springs! Trenton tried to keep up and looked alarmed when Matt said, “Done.” 

“Uh, I-I’m done too,” panted Techie. “And uh...m-maybe I should sit this next one out? I’m not feeling so great.” 

He could probably push himself a little more, but Techie was ready to call it a day. His heart pounded in his chest and he was pretty sure he could feel his brain beating inside his head. 

“No can do. We’ve got to keep you going,” said Jean. “Are you feeling the Lord yet?” 

Techie was sure he was feeling something, but it was probably more an aneurysm and less divine intervention. 

“Maybe just water…” said Techie. 

He spoke too quietly (again) so Jean hadn’t heard him. Instead he went to check on Matt and give him another exercise. Techie croaked out meekly, “Pretty sure I’m dying…” 

“I don’t think he’s actually counting. Just B.S. it and pretend you did a hundred,” Rick advised quietly. 

“Is he supposed to be… like  _ that _ ?” panted Techie. 

“No idea,” said Rick. “But I’m complaining to HR.” 

That was actually a good idea. Unfortunately it wouldn’t make much of a difference now. The workout was mandatory and if Techie was going to rock the boat with management he knew his case was bound to look better if he stuck this out. The last thing he needed was for a clever lawyer to turn the whole thing around on him. From what Monty and Armitage had described, anyone could get away with anything if they made the right argument, and Techie just wasn’t very good at arguing. 

For now, he had to try and do the sit-ups. He’d seen how Matt had done them and knew he would never be able to go at that pace. He tried to focus on how Matt had moved though, hoping that the right technique might make the exercise more tolerable. Immediately the stomach muscles he didn’t even know he had began to burn. Rick might not have been keeping track, but it at least had to look like Techie had done one hundred of these stupid things. How long would be enough? Maybe when Rick stopped Techie would stop too and just hope the two of them finishing close to each other wasn’t suspicious. 

Even at that, the sit-ups were way too hard. Techie would get part of the way up and then his feet would pop up off of the ground. If he tried to plant his feet down then he couldn’t get his back up. He would wriggle his way into a seated position and then let gravity help him drop back down. He really should have tied his hair back for this, but it was far too late now. 

It was about then that Techie started to feel hotter than usual. The burning from the exercise didn’t feel right either. Everything was wet from sweat and Techie felt like he was going to be sick. He stopped and lay on his back, trying to catch his breath. 

“Come on, Bill!” encouraged Jean, “No quitting on us now!” 

“Techie…” Techie croaked out in an attempt to correct him. 

“You can do it Bill, you’ve just got to believe!” said Jean. 

Techie believed he was going to be sick. 

“...please?” pleaded Techie. 

“No quitters here, Bill, we’re going to go all the way!” said Jean, nearly adding, “For the-”

As Jean attempted to help Techie up, Techie threw up in his face. 

______

**Armitage43:**

_ Do you need me to fire missiles at them?  _

Techie rolled his eyes at the screen. Army was always intent on blowing things up when they disagreed with him. Sitting at home by his laptop, wearing some comfy pyjamas, Techie felt a little better. He had felt even better when he logged into his brothers’ group chat and was finally able to vent all his frustrations. 

Throwing up on Jean had been embarrassing, but it got him exempt from the rest of the session. Rick had complained to HR about the whole thing and it turned out hiring Jean as a crossfit trainer had been a mistake. A very literal mistake. Somehow one of the crossfit trainers they had looked into turned out to be a Cross-Fit trainer with about as few credentials as Techie had social skills. Techie had no idea how the mistake had happened, but HR called him up and offered to make the whole thing up to him. 

Techie typed back, “Nobody has the balls to stand up to Snoke, so they begged me to continue the exercise thing. I said yes, but now I get to train at my own pace, whatever time I want, and all I have to do is sign in and out.” 

**TartanTerror: **

_ You shouldn’t have to do this ridiculous workout at all!  _

Techie rolled his eyes again, “I’m okay with it. I also got a nice bonus for keeping the thing on the DL.” 

**BBCondor: **

_ U took a bribe?  _

Techie pounded the keys furiously, “Didn’t you try to blackmail your boss? You don’t get to judge,Stens.” 

**TartanTerror: **

_ How did they mistake a trainer with no credentials for an actual crossfit trainer???  _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Sounds like someone either didn’t do their homework or got hacked :3 _

Fucking Monty… Techie had a horrible feeling that his half-brother was involved somehow but wasn’t sure how to trace it back to him. At least not without Monty knowing. The last time Techie had tried to track Monty online an army of pizza guys had shown up at his door all claiming he had ordered from them. It was better than being SWAT-ed, but all that cheesy pizza had been awful for his digestion, and it had cost quite a bit. 

**Armitage43: **

_ Monty I swear if you’re responsible I’ll put you on MI6’s shitlist.  _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Bold of you to assume I’m not already on it XD _

**BBCondor: **

_ Plz don’t start ww2 u 2. I just got a new job that I actually like _ . 

**TartanTerror: **

_ I have enough trouble with rabbits and the shop without you two firing nukes at each other.  _

A change of topic seemed in order. Techie asked, “How’s the garden coming?” 

**TartanTerror: **

_ I seemed to have formed an uneasy truce with the rabbits… I swear they were trying to kill me. _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Do tell :33  _

**TartanTerror: **

_ You’ll just try to make an army of attack rabbits.  _

**BBCondor: **

_ Furniture store is gr8. I might even be up 4 a promotion soon! I cood use the $$$.  _

**Armitage43: **

_ If you spent less money on weed you would have more money in your budget for essentials. _

Feeling a bit cheeky, Techie grinned and typed, “Weed is an essential Army.” 

**BBCondor: **

_ Tnks Techie! _

**Armitage43:**

_ No it isn’t! I don’t want either of you huffing that brain poison!  _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Sounds like Army could use some. XDDD  _

**TartanTerror: **

_ No, I agree with Army. It smells horrid. _

**BBCondor: **

_ But its not good for nausea. r u taking care of urself Techie?  _

He was. Thankfully Trenton had given him a lift home so he hadn’t had to sit around while he felt sick. Barfing had kept everyone out of the changing room so he’d had the whole place to himself and hadn’t had to worry about anyone watching. He’d changed into some comfy PJs as soon as he’d finished skyping with HR and settled down with some saltine crackers and water. Overall he felt fine. All of the wooziness had left as soon as he’d gotten into his air-conditioned apartment. 

His main worry was running into Trenton, Rick and Matt again. Not only had he been the weakest, scrawniest, and most out of shape of the group, he’d vomited all over the person they thought was a trainer. It had to rank in the top embarrassing moments of his life and he might have to work with the people it had happened in front of. He was confident he wouldn’t run into Trenton again, Techie never got mail at his desk, but who knew when something might break down and a tech would be sent to fix it! It was a slim chance, but it was a chance. 

Techie replied, “Yeah, I just feel like shit. It was really embarrassing, you know? And I might need to work with those guys…” 

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Were they hot ^3^ ??  _

Techie growled to himself and typed, “No, they were all middle-aged assholes. Fuck off Monty.” 

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Had to ask :’(  _

**Armitage43: **

_ No, you didn’t.  _

**BBCondor: **

_ At least they werent pple u’ll have 2 see eryday. Like that time Thomas drank out of a toilet.  _

**Thomas: **

_ I regret ever having told you that.  _

Techie grumbled to himself as he glared at the screen. Fucking Monty could always get under his skin. His partners could have been supermodels or basement-dwelling-neckbeards and he still would have felt equally embarrassed! Hotness had nothing to do with it. He’d been there because the CEO was making him, not so he could pick up guys. Throwing up in front of anyone was humiliating. If anything he was relieved that the guys who had been there were strangers who he could manage to avoid. 

**Armitage43: **

_ Take it easy the next time you work out. Make time to stretch and warm up first, then cool down after. If they have a sauna or hot tub there you should use it. It helps keep the aches you’ll feel the next day to a minimum.  _

Techie typed a quick question, “Any recs on exercises I should do?” 

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Weird as it sounds, check youtube! There’s lots of different routines and exercises, so there’s bound to be one you like and won’t make yourself sick trying to finish ;)  _

**Armitage43: **

_ Keep it simple, and if something hurts too much then stop!  _

**BBCondor: **

_ Make a workout playlist! Might help you stay motivated!  _

**TartanTerror: **

_ I’ve started a little yoga. It’s relaxing, but a lot tougher than it looks.  _

It was all pretty good advice. Techie opened YouTube and did a quick search of exercises for beginners. He looked at some of the ones with women in them since most of the ones with men looked like the guy demonstrating them could crush watermelons between their biceps. Matt would have probably breezed through those ones though. He got through Jean’s insanity without a single complaint and kicked a medicine ball across the gym! 

...why was he thinking about Matt? Oh well. It wasn’t as if Techie ever planned to see him again. He clicked a link to a ten minute ab workout that seemed simple enough. He could remember a few of the different planks and crunches, and there was a lot of exercise equipment that he could test out if he got bored at the gym. 

Popping back into his brothers’ chat, Techie typed, “Signing off for the night. Gonna do some research and see if it helps.” 

**BBCondor: **

_ Nite, Tech!  _

**TartanTerror: **

_ Goodnight.  _

**Armitage43:**

_ Get some rest, don’t push yourself too hard.  _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ ...for the Lord XDDDDD  _

Techie slammed his fingers into the keyboard as he typed and shouted out loud, “Fuck you, Monty!” 


	3. Chapter 3

Thankfully nobody at work seemed to have heard about how Techie had barfed all over a fake trainer. It was probably a story that the higher-ups didn’t want to get out anyways for fear it would reach the CEO’s ears. He didn’t see Rick or Trenton or Matt either, which was for the best. All he had to do was pick out the nights that he could workout, or at least clock in and hang around the gym, with nobody else around. 

Changing to a system where people clocked in and out worked out much better for Techie. Not only could he choose his own schedule, but he could easily poke and prod through the system’s data and find out when the most and least popular times would be. After that it would be easy to choose when he wanted to go. 

The weekends were surprisingly busy, and so was right before and right after work. The least busy times were late at night and early in the morning, especially tuesday to thursday. Now all Techie needed to do was choose if he would prefer to come in at stupid o’clock in the morning or stupid o’clock in the evening to get his bi-weekly dredgery over with. Mornings would be hell, and he was a natural night-owl, so it made sense to go with evenings. He’d just have to let his brothers know so they wouldn’t worry about him missing their usual chat. The last time he had done that Armitage had nearly mobilized everyone under his command to form a search and rescue party. 

Changing up his routine was a bit refreshing too. Techie had to admit he felt healthier just packing up his gym clothes to use after work on a tuesday evening, like he wasn’t a complete failure at being an adult. Nobody would be around and he could take everything slow and steady. Best of all, he wouldn’t have to worry about crowded locker rooms or anyone staring in the showers. Techie was planning for a calm, relaxing, slow evening. Hopefully there was a sauna or something. Even though Armitage had said it was important for cooldown after, Techie couldn’t help imagining it being a somewhat extravagant self-care experience. 

His dreams of a spa-like sauna lingered as he worked through the day and went to a cafe down the street for a sandwich as he waited for the time when he’d calculated the gym would be at its least occupied. The whole plan was working out well and Techie had even planned out what bus route he would take after work. Everything was working and it felt good. 

When the time finally came, Techie went to the gym to sign in. His card had been delivered to his desk before he had arrived at work so all he had to do was tap in and tap out after exercising… or wasting time. One or the other. If there was nobody around to watch he could half-ass it with nobody being the wiser. He tapped the card to the sign in machine by the door and saw his legal name pop up. Sighing at the sight of ‘William Huxley’ he opened the door and was greeted by the smell of sweat and new equipment and the sight of Matt. 

...Matt? What was Matt doing here!? His perfect plan was ruined! 

Techie felt himself begin to freeze up from nerves. Of all people why did Matt have to be in the gym!? Why couldn’t it have been someone half as athletic and who hadn’t seen him throw up all over himself and someone else!? This whole night was going to be horrible and embarrassing… 

Techie willed himself to move to the changing rooms. There was only one locker taken, so at least Matt was the only other person around. Techie dumped his stuff in the locker and took a wary look around. Nobody else was in the room. He shouldn’t have felt self-conscious about changing in a room with nobody else around, but he was. It was an unfamiliar room and anybody could walk in on him naked at any second. 

Looking around nervously Techie saw that there was an area for showers and another with urinals and bathroom stalls. Clutching his gym clothes to his chest he gave up and decided to change in a stall. Everything had been going so well and now it felt like it wasn’t going to work out. He’d have to put a little more effort into working out if Matt was going to be around, and the idea of being around someone he’d embarrassed himself in front of was horrible. 

He wondered what Army or Monty would do. Monty would probably treat the whole thing like it was no big deal while he plotted to murder all the witnesses. Army would probably think of sneakier ways to keep things quiet. Thomas would probably freak out and Stens… Stens was more of a wild card. He might cry, or throw a little fit, or make up the world’s worst revenge plot. In any case, Techie did not want to be a Stensland. 

When he emerged from the locker room Matt was still there and showed no signs of slowing down. So Techie found a secluded corner of the gym and started to do a few warm up stretches. The videos he saw gave him an idea of how to loosen up everything. Just like Thomas had said, stretching felt much more difficult than it looked in all the yoga adds on TV. When he had been a kid Techie knew he had been flexible, but it seemed like all the elasticity had fled his body and left him with stiff, achey joints. He started with his neck and worked down the rest of his body, occasionally glancing over at Matt to make sure the other man wasn’t watching but… 

Matt was watching, and he wouldn’t look away when Techie caught him looking either. They were the only two people in the gym and it was awkward as hell. What did Matt want? Techie didn’t want to talk to him, not after what had happened before, but Matt wasn’t going to ignore him. Techie forced an awkward smile and waved, giving an uncertain little laugh. 

He’d hoped acknowledging Matt would make the other man stop staring, but Matt just kept on looking. Hesitantly, Techie asked, “Um...i-is there something you need?” 

“I made you a mix-tape,” said Matt, taking a break from his push-ups. “I didn’t know if I’d see you again, so I’ve been carrying it around.”

Mix-tape? Why would Matt make him a mix-tape? Oh, right, that band he had been talking about. Techie forced himself to be friendly and said, “Oh, uh, thanks! If you leave it in the locker room I’ll definitely listen to it later.” 

Matt gave a nod and continued his push ups, still staring at Techie. Techie tried to focus on the banners with the First Order logo fluttering in the air conditioning, but couldn’t be distracted from Matt trying to stare into the depths of his soul. He asked, “Was there… something else?” 

“Something else?” asked Matt, pausing again. 

“Well, it’s just that you’re looking at me so I thought maybe you wanted something else…?” reasoned Techie. 

“...no,” said Matt. He then stood up, turned around and began doing his push ups while facing the opposite direction. 

“K-’kay then,” stammered Techie, who hadn’t expected such a blunt response. Hopefully Matt would finish soon so they could spare themselves any more awkwardness. Techie helped himself to a pair of pink dumbbells and started to do a few light exercises. Maybe if he was lucky then Matt would go home soon and then he could procrastinate the rest of his workout in peace. 

There was no such luck. As Techie watched the clock slowly tick the half hour away, Matt just kept on moving. Techie had no idea where he got the energy but he didn’t slow down at all. As he moved from weights to walking on a treadmill, Matt just kept on going and going, his muscles never seeming to quit. It was amazing, mesmerizing even to see him move. 

Not mesmerizing enough that Techie forgot to watch the clock though. When his half hour was up, Techie dropped his equipment. He didn’t want to search for a hot tub or sauna or even try using the hot showers. If there was even the smallest chance that a demi-god like Matt could walk in on him looking like a drowned rat then he was not going to take it! Everyone else on the bus would just have to deal with his BO. As if he smelled any worse than the other commuters anyways. 

He changed in the bathroom stall again and grimaced slightly as he put his clean clothes on over his sweaty body. It was a gross feeling but he could deal with it. 

Unlike the sight of Matt standing right outside the stall. Techie squeaked, seeing Matt’s hulking form towering over him. Neither of them said anything. Finally, Techie asked, “Do you...need to use the…?” 

Great. Like this wasn’t even more embarrassing. Matt probably thought he was a weirdo who puked on people, wore sweaty, smelly clothes and asked people if they needed to shit. 

“I made you a mix-tape,” repeated Matt. “These are Kylo Ren’s best songs.” 

“Oh! Oh, right, you said that before,” said Techie. Looking down he saw that it was an actual cassette tape. Did he even have a cassette player? He might have one in an old radio that he kept for emergencies and blackouts. He’d have to dig it out but at least he had one. “I’ll listen to it when I get home.” 

“He does some interviews about exercise, you can find them online. Kylo Ren gives some solid advice,” advised Matt. 

As if any advice from someone ripped could apply to anyone as small as Techie. Still, he smiled and said, “Kay... thanks. G-guess I’ll see you around?” 

No! No he did not want to see Matt again! It was too embarrassing! Why had he said that!? 

“Yeah,” said Matt, prodding the cassette into Techie’s hand. “See you around.” 

As Matt turned and walked out Techie resisted the urge to scream. 

_______

**PartyInTheCIA**

_ ROFLOL!! Are you serious??? XDDD _

Techie glared at his phone as the bus droned its way down the streets under the lamp posts and past tall buildings. 

“It isn’t funny,” Techie typed. “He had the tape ready for me.” 

**Armitage43: **

_ That’s a bit suspicious. If it happens again then I wouldn’t try going to the gym alone again. It’s safer if you bring someone. _

Techie groaned to himself and hoped nobody on the bus could hear him as he pressed his thumbs against the touch screen, “But I don’t want to bring someone. That was the whole point.” 

**BBCondor: **

_ It could just be a coincidence. People go to the gym all the time. _

**TartanTerror: **

_ And carry gifts with them? He could have had it delivered to your desk, right? _

He could have, but that might have been even creepier. Stensland seemed to make the most sense and calmed him down the most. People went to the gym all the time, there was nothing weird about Matt going to the company gym. They had just happened to be in on the same night. 

**Armitage43: **

_ In any case, he gave you the tape so he has no reason to bother you again. _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ He might want to follow up, ask you how it was… ask you out for coffee ^3^ <3 _

“As if…” Techie muttered to himself as he typed. Matt might have been dorky, but unlike Techie he was really good looking. Someone like that was out of his league and would never ask him out. Not that Techie was hoping that Matt would ask him out but stupid Monty had brought it up… 

**Armitage43: **

_ Carry some hairspray and a lighter just in case. _

**BBCondor: **

_ ??? _

**PartyInTheCIA: **

_ Emergency flamethrower ;) _

**Armitage43: **

_ You don’t have to use it on him but it’s one hell of a flashy deterrent. Trust me _. 

**TartanTerror: **

_ ...so you think it works on rabbits?? _

Techie snorted as he typed, “Probably works about as well as dynamite, so don’t try it.” 


	4. Chapter 4

Next time Techie planned to go to the gym in the morning. Waking up would be hell, but getting to the gym at the ass-crack of dawn almost guaranteed that he would have the gym to himself. Matt also went to the gym in the evening so there would be next-to-no chance of running into him. He could get his workout done and out of the way and not have to go anywhere near the gym for another week. 

Techie had decided to listen to Matt’s tape that morning, hoping it might be something motivating. It was metal, thank fuck it was metal. It was the perfect thing to wake him up and get him feeling like he could kick some ass. Techie would listen to just about anything but he felt like he needed something brutal and heavy to take on the grueling day ahead. Metal also suited Matt somehow. Techie wasn’t sure how he would have reacted if it turned out Matt was into folk or sugary pop music. He actually found himself smiling as he thought of Matt making the tape and picking out the tracks that he thought were best. 

It was thoughtful, though the delivery had been a bit on the creepy side. Who waited for someone just outside a bathroom stall? 

Techie yawned almost the entire bus ride over. He tried to fall asleep but gave up and decided to see if he could find something funny on reddit instead. He also checked the chat he had with his brothers but nobody seemed to be online. Stens was probably still in bed and the others were in timezones that Techie was too sleepy to calculate. So instead he browsed a few posts where people asked whether they were assholes or not to pass the time on his commute. 

The streets were dead quiet, since nobody in their right mind would be up at such an ungodly hour. It was perfect and quiet. The air even had a little of the crispness that Techie usually only smelled during the fall. If he hadn’t been so sleepy he would have probably enjoyed himself. Instead he yawned, hopped off the bus, and headed for the gym…

...where Matt was clocking in. Techie’s thoughts turned to nothing but incoherent screams. Did Matt live at the gym or something!? 

“Morning,” said Matt. 

“Good morning,” replied Techie, fishing through his wallet for his card. 

“Did you try the tape?” asked Matt. 

“Uh, yeah, a bit of it. I’ll probably find a spotify playlist,” admitted Techie. “I don’t have a tape player I can take with me so I tend to stream…” 

Matt’s eye twitched slightly. Did streaming annoy him? Was he upset. Matt turned and grumbled to himself, “Right. Tapes are stupid.” 

“H-Hold on, I didn’t say that!” insisted Techie. “I just don’t have a walkman, that’s all.” 

Matt turned, the uneasiness fading slightly from his face. He asked, “So...did you like Kylo Ren?” 

That was the lead’s name. Techie shrugged, “He was alright.” 

“Did you notice how he gets the growl in his voice on the first track? It’s a song about how his horrible Uncle was an asshole to everyone,” explained Matt. 

“Yeah, it was something,” said Techie. He hadn’t been able to make out all the lyrics but Matt’s explanation helped it make more sense. 

“The lyrics are really deep. Kylo Ren really understands how to write about pain,” continued Matt. “And he’s really great on guitar.” 

“He is...um, mind if I sneak by? I need to clock in,” said Techie. 

Matt seemed to get more upset when Techie said that. He didn’t say anything, but he had one hell of a sour look on his face. He turned, grumbled to himself and straightened his glasses as he stalked off. Techie stood and trembled in fear. Was… was Matt mad? What did Matt do to people when he was mad? Was it safe to be all alone with a man who could break off a piece of him like a kit-kat bar? 

Maybe he should have brought the hairspray. 

Or he could just leave. He hadn’t clocked in yet. He could get a fancy coffee at a shop, enjoy his morning and then head to work. He wasn’t obligated to go into the gym and there was nobody who was going to tell on him if he decided to go at a different time, he just had to come back some other time for his other half hour. There was no way that Matt would come back that evening, so that would be his time to strike. He could stake out the gym until it was empty and then strike! 

That was what he would do! He was going to leave and go to work and pretend Matt hadn’t gotten mad at him. Techie had no idea what he’d said to make Matt upset, he’d only asked to be let by to use the clock in machine. Not that he cared what someone who was practically a stranger thought of him, it was just… he didn’t think he was so annoying that Matt would get mad at him that quickly. 

It was neither here nor there though. Whatever damage Techie had accidentally done, it was done. It didn’t matter if Matt was mad at him because they were never going to see each other again. It wasn’t like they had been friends their whole lives. Matt being mad at him wasn’t supposed to suck as much as it did. 

A chai tea latte and a muffin would probably make things better…

_______

**Armitage43**

_ The key to a hairspray flamethrower is to make sure you know where the nozzle is pointed. If you fire it outside make sure you don’t shoot it into the wind. It’s best used as a deterrent. It’s flashy and makes an intimidating statement.  _

Techie glanced up from his desk to make sure nobody was watching him text at work. Nobody was likely to rat him out, but it was better to be safe than sorry. He typed back, “I didn’t bring any with me.” 

**Armitage43**

_ A hot coffee or tea works just as well. Throw it on him and run.  _

Techie had no desire to throw scaldingly hot drinks at Matt. He just wasn’t sure what Matt was mad about and hated the idea that maybe Matt saw him as an awkward nuisance. He didn’t want Matt seeing him in the showers and he didn’t want Matt judging his weak, useless body. If there was a way to do that without giving Matt third-degree burns then Techie would rather take that approach. 

Techie typed, “He didn’t threaten me. He just got mad and I was getting weird vibes.” 

**Armitage43**

_ Would you consider bringing someone with you next time?  _

“No,” Techie typed back automatically. “You know how I feel about that.” 

**Armitage43**

_ I just want you to stay safe.  _

“Is there anything I can do that won’t end in assault charges?” asked Techie. 

**Armitage43**

_ I’d say confront him. Invite him to talk in a public place and make your feelings known to him.  _

Techie spluttered and ducked down as he typed, “It’s not like that!!” 

**Armitage43**

_ I meant that he makes you uncomfortable. You walnut.  _

Recalling that this was Army and not Monty, Techie really should have seen that coming. He grinned slightly at the toothless insult. He knew Armitage probably had to vocabulary of a drill-sargeant and could cuss him out five times to Sunday if he really wanted, but instead Army called him things like ‘walnut.’ 

Techie reminded his brother, “What time is it there? U should sleep.” 

**Armitage43**

_ I’ll sleep when I need to. I never sleep well when I’m deployed anyways.  _

Techie sighed and checked his surroundings one last time. Deciding the coast was clear he typed back, “I should be telling you to stay safe.” 

**Armitage43**

_ I don’t mind. Helping out makes me feel normal.  _

“Feel normal, then,” Techie replied. 

**Armitage43**

_ I will.  _

It felt like a natural place to leave the conversation so Techie set his status to ‘offline.’ He was supposed to be at work anyways, and no matter what the timezone Army had better things to do than text him. Still, Techie felt like he wanted to talk about it some more. If he asked Matt to talk where could he do it so he wouldn’t send the wrong message? Army was right, talking in a public place, somewhere with people nearby, would deter Matt from kicking him across the room like he did with the medicine ball. Would Matt do that? Techie had no idea. 

And that was more or less the problem. How was he supposed to say, ‘the way you randomly get mad freaks me the fuck out,’ without coming off as an asshole? Rick, the older guy from their former workout group, he had no problem telling Matt off when he was getting to be too intense, but Rick had come off as a bit of a douche. Techie didn’t want Matt to feel bad about it, he just didn’t want to feel uncomfortable anymore. 

But maybe he wouldn’t meet Matt anymore. Maybe those two times had been random and Techie would never bump into Matt at the gym again. Strangely, Techie wasn’t sure he liked that result either. Matt was free to use the gym anytime he liked, it was just embarrassing and weird that they kept meeting like that. 

Techie was snapped out of his thoughts by a package suddenly being plopped on his desk. He jolted back and screeched, flinging his arms out in front of him. 

“Sorry about that.” 

Techie looked up and nearly screeched again. It was Trenton! What the hell was he doing here!? Then Techie saw the mail on his desk, and the mail cart, and remembered that Trenton worked in the mail room. He flushed slightly and reached for the package, “Thanks… for driving me home and stuff.” 

“Huh? ...oh, it’s you. I didn’t recognize you without…” Trenton trailed off. 

Techie assumed he was looking for a polite way to say, ‘without barf all over you,’ and interrupted, “So, uh, what’s this anyways? I wasn’t expecting anything.” 

“Dunno, but it’s from someone in the building,” Trenton replied with a shrug. 

Seeing that there was no postage on the package, just the name ‘Bill Huxley’ and his office number, that made sense. 

“Um… how has working out been?” asked Techie. 

“I would kind of like to go back to having a trainer, so long as there’s a better vetting process. I still have no idea how that guy got hired,” said Trenton. 

‘My CIA half-brother is a massive dick and thought it would be funny,’ Techie replied in his mind. On the outside he shrugged and said, “No idea. By the way… um, have you seen Matt around? The blond guy with glasses?” 

A possibility Techie hadn’t considered was that Matt just liked working out so he went to the gym whenever he had free time. Trenton was subject to the two mandatory sessions as well, so if he always saw Matt then Techie had been blowing the whole thing out of proportion. 

“Nope,” said Trenton. “Which is too bad. Guy seemed to know what he was doing.” 

Techie sighed to himself as Trenton wheeled the mail cart away. So he and Matt just somehow managed to meet up at the same time. He wiggled his fingers under the brown tape around the package and, finding it wouldn’t budge, decided to proceed with scissors. He cut the tape open and the box popped open to reveal… 

...a walkman. 

It was a retro walkman with a set of headphones. Techie felt equal parts elated and terrified. Elated because he’d just been thinking about how he could use one and terrified because there was only one other person in the building who knew that. 

Maybe Techie was exaggerating things. All Matt had done was go to the gym and give him gifts. Those weren’t bad things, really. It’s just that they weren’t normal things, or things that Techie had been expecting. The whole thing was getting even more uncomfortable now that Matt was sending things to him at work. If they met up at the gym one more time, maybe HR would be the way to go again. 

It was a last resort though. Matt was a bit odd, but Techie didn’t feel that any punishment was justified. He’d talk to Matt first, then they’d see where things went. If he could ever think of the right words to ask, that was exactly what he would do… 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand the end! Hope you've all enjoyed this one. Please do check out all of niibeth's work!

Since he hadn’t been to the gym that morning, Techie decided to wait until it was sufficiently late to try again. Matt probably wouldn’t go two times in the same day, but if he did, Techie knew he would have to think of some way to bring up how he felt. Technically Matt hadn’t done anything wrong or bad, Techie liked the gifts, he just felt really awkward about the whole thing. 

Stensland probably wasn’t the best person to ask, so Techie kept quiet about it. Out of all his brothers, Stensland was the most available. They were in the same timezone and both worked regular hours. Unfortunately, unlike Armitage, Stensland had never had the most steady handle on his own life. His solution to finding out his girlfriend was actually married and cheating with him had been to try to blackmail her and then have her husband move in with him. Granted that was the short version and made it sound like Stensland planned the whole thing out himself, which he hadn’t. That whole time their chat had been filled with Stensland wailing for help and Monty sending laughing gifs. 

Maybe he just had to think of what Stensland would do and then do the exact opposite of that. 

Stensland would escalate the situation, and he would do it in the most extra, over-the-top way possible. So the opposite of that would be subdued and frank. Something like, “Hi Matt, thank you for the walkman…” 

Techie wasn’t sure what should happen after that. Why was this so fucking hard!? Why did he have the social skills of a half-baked watermelon!? Stensland was a disaster, but at least he got results! 

Biting into his sandwich, Techie glanced under the cafe table at his gym bag. Maybe he should just focus on exercise. Maybe he wouldn’t run into Matt at all. Thomas had sent a few beginner's guides to yoga, so Techie flipped through those. Looking at the exercises took his mind off things, and a few of them looked like things he could actually do without killing himself. Who would have thought that trying to look after his health would become so stressful and potentially dangerous? 

Techie glanced at the clock behind the counter where baristas were dispassionately fixing drinks. It seemed late enough to reasonably assume nobody would be in the gym working out. Something Techie had read said that exercising too close to bedtime would cause sleeplessness… of course he had also read that exercising could improve sleeplessness. Maybe they were both right and wrong at the same time. In any case, no sane person would go to the gym that late, and there was no way a responsible person would do a grueling workout twice in the same day. 

Throwing his bag over his shoulder, Techie crept out of the cafe and headed towards the gym. There was still traffic on the streets, but nothing like it could get around rush hour. The relative quiet was nice though, and all of the street noise was muffled the second Techie stepped into the gym’s lobby. He looked around and listened, but aside from the hum of air conditioners there was no sound. 

Finally, he’d arrived when things were dead. He clocked in and went to the change rooms. There were no locks on any of the lockers. Glancing into the showers, Techie saw that they were wet, a sure sign that someone had been there earlier and left. Apart from the soap dispensers and curtained cubicles, there was nothing there. 

He actually had the whole gym to himself! 

Just to be on the safe side, Techie changed into his gym clothes in a bathroom stall. He’d hate for someone to walk in on him changing. After putting his clothes on he took another look around the locker room. Still nobody. Sighing with relief, Techie locked up his things, brought his phone and headphones with him, and went to stake out a spot to try some yoga. 

The gym showed some signs of use, the smell in particular was a bit musky, but there wasn’t a soul to be seen or heard, just the way Techie had wanted it. He spotted the yoga mats and spread a pink one out on the floor. Setting his phone down, he queued up a playlist that Thomas had sent him to go with the guides. Sitting down he watched, listened and grinned. The whole first video was about breathing! He could breathe! Maybe he wouldn’t be completely useless at this! 

It was so easy. Straight back. Legs crossed. Breathe in. Hold it. Count to three. Breathe out slowly. He could see how Thomas, who was as chronically high-strung as Army, would find unwinding like this difficult. The first video ended and the next in the list automatically began to play. The lady in the video explained the first few stretches in a soothing, calm voice, barely above a whisper as relaxing music played in the background. It was almost enough to put Techie right to sleep on the spot, and if he hadn’t been in a public place he might have done just that. 

He remembered some of the exercises from the guides Thomas had sent. They had all looked easy enough in the pictures, but Techie soon found that his stiff joints and sore back made them a bit more challenging than he had thought they would be. Techie could remember twisting himself into positions that were a lot more difficult as a kid. It seemed that an adulthood of being glued to his computer and binge-watching TV had caught up with him. 

The lady in the video reminded Techie that none of this was supposed to hurt and to ease up if he felt any pain. Never having been one for masochism, Techie was content to stretch to the point of feeling some resistance and stopping there. The only part that wasn’t too tricky was balancing. There were a few positions that required one foot off the ground and Techie discovered that he was pretty good at not falling on his ass. 

Next was a series of exercises on the ground. A few of them made his legs ache, so Techie crossed, bent or stretched them as far as they were willing to go and no further. His back also had its limits, but it felt good to finally stretch out his abused lower-back muscles. Techie propped himself up on his arms with his legs stretched out behind him so he could bring his back into the best arch he could manage. 

He felt a bit off at that moment. He wasn’t sure if he had heard something or not. Techie paused his stretching so he could remove one of his earbuds. He detected the hum of air conditioners, but there was something else. Removing the other, the sound was barely audible at all despite the room nearly being silent. The muffled sound of the yoga instructor still spilling through his earbuds was clearer. 

Turning, he found the source of the sound. Matt was breathing lightly while using a weight lifting machine. Techie froze as Matt kept moving, his eyes never leaving Techie for a second. 

What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? 

“Um...hi?” offered Techie, trying to keep any trace of being offended out of his voice. 

“Hey,” said Matt, the word coming out like a grunt before he pulled down on a cord that lifted the weights again. 

“Just asking ‘cause I’m curious,” said Techie preemptively, “Do you exercise twice a day?” 

“Not normally,” said Matt bluntly. 

Well, shit, that meant that Matt was there for a reason other than exercise. Trying to think of a way to ask Matt not to stalk him, Techie rambled, “It’s just that I heard there’s supposed to be a limit on how much you do every day.” 

“Is that why you ditched this morning?” asked Matt. 

The question was unexpected and caused Techie to freeze up again. It wasn’t as if he had promised to work out with Matt, but Matt had obviously realized that Techie had run off after speaking with him. It was a harsh sounding question, but it gave Techie an opportunity to come clean. “I like exercising alone. I was planning to leave if I saw anyone else.” 

Matt let the weights down slowly and asked, “Why? It’s safer if someone else is there to spot, or at least call for help if you get hurt.” 

Is that what Matt had been doing? Spotting? Techie had no idea what that was. Techie shrugged, “I just don’t like it.” 

“Do you want me to leave then?” asked Matt. 

Did he? 

Matt was free to use whatever company space he wanted, Techie just didn’t want to be followed, and it really felt like he was being followed. Was this a test? If he said ‘yes,’ would Matt go nuts? 

Since he took too long to answer, Matt grumbled, “Fine then. I’ll leave.” 

“Wait!” Techie called as Matt stalked off. It was a different sort of dramatic than Stensland, but Matt seemed to have a way of injecting drama into his actions. “So, why did you come back this evening?” 

Matt’s eyes trailed to the ground as he mumbled, “...avoiding you.” 

Avoiding him? Why was Matt avoiding him? As if Techie could have done anything to Matt with his weak noodle-arms and knot-ridden back. The man didn’t have any reason to be afraid of him. 

“Because I freak people out and everyone knows it!” exclaimed Matt. 

Techie narrowed his eyes, and channeling Army as best he could he announced, “If you didn’t shout so much I’d be less freaked out.” 

Matt seemed taken aback by Techie’s sudden boldness. When he recovered slightly he continued, “I’ve always been like that. I can never tell if people don’t care about what I’m talking about so I just keep going on and on until someone walks away or tells me to shut up. I know it’s creepy but I can’t help it.” 

Techie shook his head, “I didn’t care about that. You getting pissed off about it and kicking a medicine ball across the room was the scary part.” 

“That’s just it though! I could tell I did something. I figured if you went to the gym early in the morning and late the night before you’d be tired and go home. I knew if I tried to give you the tape player it would be weird so I sent it to your desk so I wouldn’t scare you again,” explained Matt. 

“But I figured you would be tired and go home so…” Techie trailed off. Things were escalating. He was becoming a Stensland. Techie did not want to be a Stensland. He took a breath and sighed, “Look, it’s dumb, but I got picked on a lot in school. Especially after gym classes. That’s why I didn’t want anyone around.” 

Furrowing his brow, Matt asked, “But why would people pick on you? You’re nice.” 

Techie rolled his eyes, “I’m also a skinny, red-haired nerd. And I’m not that nice.” 

“Sure you are. You’re a bit quiet, but you try not to upset anyone. Not even that dick trainer who pushed you too hard,” Matt pointed out. 

“That was the other thing. I kind of want to forget about that. God, it was so embarrassing…” groaned Techie. 

“I still have no idea how he got hired,” said Matt. 

Techie grumbled, “It was probably my stupid half-brother in the CIA.” 

Matt paused and looked him over for a moment. A few moments of silence passed before he simply asked, “...what?” 

Techie pulled out his phone and walked over to Matt. “My stupid half-brother Monty is in the CIA. The bastard pizza-SWATed me when I tried to find him once. Every so often he pulls these ‘pranks’ on me and my brothers.” 

He pulled up a recent ‘family picture’ from his album. It was one of the few times they had all physically been together. Monty had taken it, selfie-style, his arm flung around Army who was trying not to choke on his tea. Thomas hadn’t noticed the picture was being taken and had been picking garden dirt from his fingers. Stensland and Techie were in the back, with Techie listening while Stensland rambled about something. “This is us. The asshole in the front is Monty.” 

Matt looked over the picture and marveled, “You all look… you’re like quintuplets. How are you all the same age?” 

“That’s what happens when your bastard pilot father has five mistresses in five different airport hubs,” sighed Techie. “Three of us are living in The States now, Thomas and Armitage are overseas. Stensland was in Ireland, but he somehow miraculously became a US citizen.” 

“You all have red hair,” Matt continued to marvel. “Except for one.”

Techie put his phone back in his pocket and laughed, “Thomas is ginger too, he’s a bottle-brunette and really touchy about it if you bring it up. Anyways, we’re all pretty sure Monty did it, but if we try to prove it he as the ability and resources to make us stop. For all I know he found that Jean guy on a more expensive version of fiver” 

“So, let me get this straight,” said Matt, pausing for a moment before he summarized, “We got that weird trainer because your brother, a government agent, thought it would be funny, and you’ve been avoiding me because you’re embarrassed and hate locker rooms, not because you hate me.” 

“And you’ve been avoiding me because you were trying not to make things awkward and Rick the Dick kept making you self-conscious,” added Techie. 

Matt’s face twitched into a slight smile, “He isn’t really a dick.” 

“Sure acted like one. You weren’t bothering me, really, I just get nervous around new people and in new situations,” explained Techie. 

“Okay, so now that all that is settled… what do we do?” asked Matt. 

Techie had no idea. He didn’t feel creeped out anymore, and now that everything was out in the open there was nothing to be nervous about. Given the choice he’d still rather work out alone, but if he had to be with someone, Matt didn’t seem so bad afterall. 

“You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. Now that I know you’re not following me on purpose I don’t mind if you want to stay,” said Techie. 

“Alright, I won’t use the showers then,” said Matt. 

“H-huh!?” Techie spluttered. 

“You’re scared of people in locker room showers, so if we wind up working out together again I’ll skip showering so you can be alone,” elaborated Matt. 

“Wow, wow, wow, hold up, there’s no reason we can’t just take turns!” said Techie. “You don’t need to go that far.” 

Matt grinned again, just for a moment before his smile disappeared again. “You’re a lot different one-on-one, not so mousey. I like it.” 

Techie felt some heat rise to his face. Normally he toned down his more assertive side because of nerves, so nobody had ever told him that they liked that part of his personality. Adding that to Matt’s disgusting yet heart-warming offer to give up showering after workouts, Matt was definitely starting to grow on him. 

Maybe Snoke’s workout mandate didn’t have to be a bad thing after all. Willing the blush away Techie huffed, “I’m not that mousey. Besides, I’ve been told having a spotter isn’t such a bad thing, if you’re interested.” 

Matt’s smile actually stayed as he said, “Yeah, I’m interested.” 


End file.
